Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
