Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
