and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
