worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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