So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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