you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
