Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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