I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dick very happy bro
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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