I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your cock deserves a montage
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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