I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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