So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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