This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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