a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It all started with a game of naked twister.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
