I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
