90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
