Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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