Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
