lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
