Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
