They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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