i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
