i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
