Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
