I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
