you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My ass is underappreciated
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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