we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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