can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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