Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
