So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
