there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
