We named our party play list daddy issues
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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