When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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