think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
