cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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