Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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