so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
