so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
