Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
