I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
PANTIES FOUND
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
