I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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