she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
