Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the night ended with taco bell and tears
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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