Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
