Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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