I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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