Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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