imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
