there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
