how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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