last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
