do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
