So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
