And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
