are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
