after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
