The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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