Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
